Phyllis Griffiths

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I sit, staring...
My mind gone blank..
Nothingness is my thoughts
My eyes see but do not..
I see through a camera lens
Remote and removed from me.
I see but do not see...
all is surreal, all is distorted.

The act of thought is difficult,
slow and painful.
Pain throbs inside my skull
as I reach for a word..
an understanding.
Memory is buried,
disjointed, inacessable.
Language pauses and retreats.

To see is not to comprehend.
Vision distorts as if
by the very act of concentration
energy is diverted,
circuts disrupted.
Blinding flashes explode
in my brain, in my mind.
Pain blinds me.

Sounds confuse me,
startle me.
Vision and thought are interrupted..
A jolt of lightning unleashed,
body fibers erupt in pain.
I must retreat
into silence.

I sit, unmoving...
My body is on slow motion mode.
To force motion hurts...
muscles resist, tremble,
jerk and spasm..
or go limp and useless.
I must think first, then do...
without direction, without focus
the body sits...
sluggish, unresponsive from within.
I operate my body by remote.

© Phyllis Griffiths, 1997

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